Being Responsible for Our Feelings – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2018/03/05/being-responsible-for-our-feelings/ It is easy to blame other people for our emotions.  “He makes me so angry!  Why can’t he just pick up his shoes from the walkway!”  “She disappointed me; I thought she was going to be more Continue reading Being Responsible for Our Feelings – by Kind Communication

Reflective Listening – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2018/02/05/reflective-listening/ Almost every time I introduce reflective listening to couples, they groan.  “Why do I need to repeat back to my partner what they just said??  It’s so, patronizing/cumbersome/annoying.”  And yet, at least 50% of the time when Continue reading Reflective Listening – by Kind Communication

Celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2018/01/15/celebrating-martin-luther-king-jr/ “1963 is not an end, but a beginning…” Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  It is a day we celebrate this man’s legacy.  It is said that when Marshall Rosenberg was developing Nonviolent Communication he based Continue reading Celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. – by Kind Communication

What’s Behind that New Year’s Resolution? – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2018/01/03/whats-behind-that-new-years-resolution/ If you are someone who makes New Year’s resolutions, New Year’s intentions, I invite you to ponder what lies behind that resolution? Let’s take a really common example…”my new year’s resolution is to lose 10, 20, 30, Continue reading What’s Behind that New Year’s Resolution? – by Kind Communication

Giving Thanks – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/11/29/giving-thanks/ For many of us today, it is too easy to fall into despair, dejection, and pessimism.  Whether it’s the current political climate, struggles with work, or stress with family around the holidays, we can find ourselves focusing Continue reading Giving Thanks – by Kind Communication

Shame – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/11/13/shame/ The most powerful emotion in the human experience is not anger, fear, or joy: its shame.  Shame is the feeling associated with beliefs that I am wrong, broken, or bad.  Physically, shame may feel like a “cold Continue reading Shame – by Kind Communication

Using NVC In the Workplace – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/10/24/using-nvc-in-the-workplace/ The workplace is rife with conflict, and yet it is an environment that is not conducive to expressing feelings and needs.  Rather than being a place where people are treated with empathy and collaboration, it is a Continue reading Using NVC In the Workplace – by Kind Communication

The Stories in Our Heads – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/10/11/the-stories-in-our-heads/ Humans are storytelling beings.  The way we make meaning of the world is by telling stories.  We see this on the large cultural scale with things like religion, science, and philosophy.  But we do this on an Continue reading The Stories in Our Heads – by Kind Communication

Dangers of Digital Communication – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/09/28/dangers-of-digital-communication/ Technology makes communication harder.  I know in a lot of ways technology helps us stay in touch with old friends, or stay connected to family that live elsewhere, or it gives us time to reflect and edit Continue reading Dangers of Digital Communication – by Kind Communication

Control: The Self-Defeating Myth – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/09/11/control-the-self-defeating-myth/ Many of us wish we could have more control over our lives.  I know I do.  I do all sorts of things that help me maintain the illusion that I am in control. And then something happens Continue reading Control: The Self-Defeating Myth – by Kind Communication

Control: The Self-Defeating Myth

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/09/11/control-the-self-defeating-myth/ Many of us wish we could have more control over our lives.  I know I do.  I do all sorts of things that help me maintain the illusion that I am in control. And then something happens Continue reading Control: The Self-Defeating Myth

Responding to Hate with Love – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/08/23/responding-to-hate-with-love/ I am seeing a lot of hatred of the other in the world right now.  The events in Charlottesville and Barcelona are clear examples of people exposing hatred towards others, so much hatred of the other that Continue reading Responding to Hate with Love – by Kind Communication

Soothing Our Fear – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/07/25/soothing-our-fear/ Fear comes in all kinds of forms.  There’s anxiety, dread, scared, panicked, worried, suspicious, and mistrustful.  All of these are different nuances to the one core experience of fear.  Fear is so powerful that subtly it drives Continue reading Soothing Our Fear – by Kind Communication

Boundaries: Essential to Happy Relationships – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/07/10/boundaries-essential-to-happy-relationships/ Boundaries are essential to happy relationships. That may seem counter-intuitive. “Aren’t happy couples always spending time together and sharing everything, and doing whatever will make their partner happy?” No. In fact, that previous sentence ought to send Continue reading Boundaries: Essential to Happy Relationships – by Kind Communication

Forgiving – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/06/26/forgiving/ There is no way to move through the world, in a healthy way, that can completely avoid hurting others or being hurt by others.  Anything short of becoming a hermit or being completely co-dependent means that we Continue reading Forgiving – by Kind Communication

Befriending Our Inner Critic – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/06/06/befriending-our-inner-critic/ Most of us have an inner critic. That’s the voice in your head that says you’re doing it wrong, or even that you’re not enough. It’s the incessant thoughts about the flaws or mistakes in something you’ve Continue reading Befriending Our Inner Critic – by Kind Communication

When You Don’t Want to Listen… – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/05/15/when-you-dont-want-to-listen/ Sometimes I find that I just don’t want to hear what the other person has to say. I’m so upset, hurt, or just disconnected that I don’t want to sit and listen. I just want to fix Continue reading When You Don’t Want to Listen… – by Kind Communication

Recommitment – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/05/01/recommitment/ Sometimes we simply don’t fulfill our promises. Despite our best efforts and intentions, we fall short of what we said we’re committed to. Closer readers of my website and blog will notice that I am committed to Continue reading Recommitment – by Kind Communication

Deconstructing Enemy Images – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2017/01/30/deconstructing-enemy-images/ We are living in a time when a lot of our public, and thus our private, language projects the image of “enemy” onto other people.  This is happening on all sides of the political aisle.  Projecting an Continue reading Deconstructing Enemy Images – by Kind Communication

Time for Rest – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/12/19/time-for-rest/ You don’t have infinite energy.  But it is tempting to pretend like you do. Especially during the hecticness of the holidays, with so much going on, so much to do, and cultural and family expectations to live Continue reading Time for Rest – by Kind Communication

A Time for Healing – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/11/21/a-time-for-healing/ The election is over. It was a long and bitter primary season and then election season.  On all sides there were angry and divisive attacks and accusations made.  And now living in the aftermath of a Trump’s Continue reading A Time for Healing – by Kind Communication

Post-Election Connection with Darrell Becker (Voluntary Visions)

Audio: http://VoluntaryVisions.com/audio/Wiki-World-Order-Post-Election-Connection-With-Voluntary-Visions.mp3 Cross-Posted: http://VoluntaryVisions.com/2016/11/13/post-election-connection-with-darrell-becker-voluntary-visions Darrell Becker, Morgan Lesko, and Katie Stone try to start figuring out how to building bridges of empathy in this moment. No matter the outcome of the 2016’s America’s Next Top President, this country was always Continue reading Post-Election Connection with Darrell Becker (Voluntary Visions)

Empathy: What Brings Us Together – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/10/24/empathy-what-brings-us-together/ If you’re wondering why the world seems to be tearing itself apart, the answer is simple: lack of empathy. Empathy is the art of experiencing the feelings and the worldview of another as if it were your Continue reading Empathy: What Brings Us Together – by Kind Communication

Do We Even Know What We Want? – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/10/10/do-we-even-know-what-we-want/ How often do I find myself upset and complaining about a situation to a friend, and they ask me ‘well, how do you specifically want it to be different?’ and I have no answer?  Uncomfortably too often. Continue reading Do We Even Know What We Want? – by Kind Communication

Marriage: How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One”? – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/09/26/marriage-how-do-you-know-youve-found-the-one/ I’ve attended a lot of weddings this summer (my own included in that).  And in going to so many weddings, the question naturally arises “how do you know when you’ve found ‘the one’?” This is a very Continue reading Marriage: How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One”? – by Kind Communication

Me & Not Me – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/09/12/me-not-me/ I want to share with you one of my favorite exercises that helps people set boundaries.  It’s called “Me & Not Me”. One of the key obstacles to setting boundaries is a difficulty in separating oneself from Continue reading Me & Not Me – by Kind Communication

Three Essentials to Staying Connected in Stressful Times – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/08/15/three-ways-for-couples-to-stay-connected-in-stressful-times/ Relationships have seasons. Sometimes a relationship is in a season of peace and tranquility.  And sometimes a relationship is in a season of stress and frustration. These difficult seasons are inevitable.  My now wife and I just Continue reading Three Essentials to Staying Connected in Stressful Times – by Kind Communication

Feelings: The Language of Connection – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/06/27/feelings-the-language-of-connection/ Time and time again, the most powerful shift in couples I coach happens when they start expressing their feelings to one another.  Our emotions are truly the language of connection.  And so it is tragic that we Continue reading Feelings: The Language of Connection – by Kind Communication

Needs: The Signposts of the Soul – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/05/29/needs-the-signposts-of-the-soul/ We all have needs.  And those needs go far beyond just air, food, water, and shelter. We need love, warmth, acceptance, community, friendship, honesty, respect, connection, and the list goes on and on and on.  The Center Continue reading Needs: The Signposts of the Soul – by Kind Communication

Navigating the Intimacy Paradox – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/05/02/navigating-the-intimacy-paradox/ Intimacy is a paradox. We both crave it, and hate it. Richard Rohr, in his book Immortal Diamond clearly and succinctly summarizes this paradox:  “intimacy happens when we reveal and expose our insides, and this is always Continue reading Navigating the Intimacy Paradox – by Kind Communication

“Well, I Didn’t Mean It Like That…” – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/04/18/intention-v-impact/ “Well, I didn’t mean it like that…” Sometimes you, and I, try to apologize for the impact our words have on others by trying to explain the intention behind them. Certainly sometimes explaining our intention is helpful Continue reading “Well, I Didn’t Mean It Like That…” – by Kind Communication

What Surrounds You Shapes You – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/04/04/what-surrounds-you-shapes-you/ I saw this powerful PSA on Facebook the other day: Powerful, right? It’s true, children are sponges.  Whatever their parents (& peers) say and do, they absorb it and it shapes how they act.  And those models Continue reading What Surrounds You Shapes You – by Kind Communication

Observing Yourself – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/03/20/observing-yourself/ In Compassionate Communication there are five major skills.  One of them is called “observation”.  At first, I thought this skill was all about noticing and talking about what you literally see.  So instead of “this room is Continue reading Observing Yourself – by Kind Communication

The Limits of Communication… And What You Can Do About Them – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/02/21/the-limits-of-communication-and-what-you-can-do-about-them/ Some people come to my workshops, and say:  “Hey, this stuff is great, but doesn’t this stuff only work as long as the other person is also willing to communicate with compassion and honesty?” And my answer Continue reading The Limits of Communication… And What You Can Do About Them – by Kind Communication

Blaming – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/02/06/blaming/ I want to share this fun cartoon of a small snippet of a Brene Brown talk.  The cartoon is about blaming.  Blaming is pointing the finger and identifying who or what is responsible when something goes wrong. Continue reading Blaming – by Kind Communication

Understanding Privilege – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/01/25/understanding-privilege/ I have been born with a tremendous amount of privilege.  I am a straight white male, who grew up in an upper middle-class, Christian home.  All of these different accidental properties of my identity and upbringing carry Continue reading Understanding Privilege – by Kind Communication

Empathizing with Your Shadow Side – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/01/04/empathizing-with-your-shadow-side/ We all have a shadow side.  A side of you that you don’t want others to see or notice.  I know I have a shadow side.  There are opinions, feelings, and parts of my personality which I Continue reading Empathizing with Your Shadow Side – by Kind Communication

Celebration – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/12/14/celebration/ It is important to regularly celebrate.  Now that may sound simple, trite, and obvious; however, do you do it?  I know that you celebrate when something big and exciting happens.  You celebrated when you graduated from school.  Continue reading Celebration – by Kind Communication

Say What You Mean, Not What You Fear – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/11/30/say-what-you-mean-not-what-you-fear/ I saw a funny cartoon about communication posted on a friend’s Facebook wall.  It’s called If You Want to Say Thank You, Don’t Say Sorry. This cartoon caught my attention, not only because it has to do Continue reading Say What You Mean, Not What You Fear – by Kind Communication

Paris – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/11/16/paris-2/ I have nothing profound to say.  I simply wish to say:  let’s grieve, and let’s have empathy. Tragedies have occurred and continue to occur around us.  There are the events in Paris.  There are the events in Continue reading Paris – by Kind Communication

The Busyness Drug – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/10/30/the-busyness-drug/ How long can you just sit still and not do anything? A minute?  Ten minutes?  Thirty?  A whole hour?  When do you start getting uncomfortable and start saying ‘I’ve got to find something to do!’? I’d be Continue reading The Busyness Drug – by Kind Communication

How to Say “I’m Sorry” – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/10/16/how-to-say-im-sorry/ We all make mistakes.  We all do things to intentionally hurt others.  We all need to be forgiven. Asking for forgiveness is hard.  It requires us to admit that we’ve done something we’re not proud of.  It Continue reading How to Say “I’m Sorry” – by Kind Communication

Navigating Crisis – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/10/05/navigating-crisis/ You’ve lost your job.  The car has died.  You’re swamped at work and that’s keeping you from your friends and family.  A loved one has been diagnosed with a terminal disease, or maybe you’ve been diagnosed with Continue reading Navigating Crisis – by Kind Communication

Play – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/09/21/play/ When was the last time you just played? Remember when you were a kid, and you could just be lost for hours in your room playing?  Or you were out with friends in the woods exploring and Continue reading Play – by Kind Communication

Stress Isn’t The Problem… – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/08/24/stress-isnt-the-problem/ My own counselor opened my eyes to this.  I came to her last week saying “oh man, I’m sooooo stressed, it’s terrible.”  And she looked at me and said, “you know stress isn’t your problem.  It’s your Continue reading Stress Isn’t The Problem… – by Kind Communication

Embracing Our Imperfections & Their Gifts – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/08/09/embracing-our-imperfections/ You’re flawed. And so is everyone else.  So what’s the big deal? The big deal is that you, and I, are scared that other people will find out this inescapable truth.  And when they do, we’ll experience Continue reading Embracing Our Imperfections & Their Gifts – by Kind Communication

Thought Feelings – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/07/27/thought-feelings/ Our culture does a really poor job of delineating thoughts from feelings.  Most of us get the two mixed up in most of our normal conversation.  And this actually creates a big problem. Have you seen Inside Continue reading Thought Feelings – by Kind Communication

Setting Healthy Boundaries – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/07/11/setting-healthy-boundaries/ For some of us being able to say “no”, turning down offers, and choosing to disengage is incredibly difficult.  To do so comes with guilt, anxiety, and even shame.  And so we just keep saying “yes”, we Continue reading Setting Healthy Boundaries – by Kind Communication

Do Not Become That Which You Protest – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.org

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2015/06/28/do-not-become-that-which-you-protest/ Let me be absolutely clear:  I am thrilled with the Supreme Court’s decision and I believe LGBTQi people deserve equal rights in marriage and all other facets of life. And I am challenging myself, my fellow LGBTQi Continue reading Do Not Become That Which You Protest – by Kind Communication