Tag: Non-violent Communication

Feelings: The Language of Connection – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/06/27/feelings-the-language-of-connection/ Time and time again, the most powerful shift in couples I coach happens when they start expressing their feelings to one another.  Our emotions are truly the language of connection.  And so it is tragic that we in the West have mostly been cut off from our feelings. Emotions are not simply whatever we put after the phrase “I feel…”  Unfortunately, we’ve learned to replace feelings with lots of thoughts.   “I feel […]

Needs: The Signposts of the Soul – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/05/29/needs-the-signposts-of-the-soul/ We all have needs.  And those needs go far beyond just air, food, water, and shelter. We need love, warmth, acceptance, community, friendship, honesty, respect, connection, and the list goes on and on and on.  The Center for Nonviolent Communication has created a wonderful list of potential needs.  This list is not meant to be all inclusive, but it gives you an idea of all the various things we need. Our needs […]

Navigating the Intimacy Paradox – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/05/02/navigating-the-intimacy-paradox/ Intimacy is a paradox. We both crave it, and hate it. Richard Rohr, in his book Immortal Diamond clearly and succinctly summarizes this paradox:  “intimacy happens when we reveal and expose our insides, and this is always scary.  One never knows if the other can receive what is exposed, will respect it, or will run fast in the other direction.  One must be prepared to be rejected.  It is always a risk.” […]

“Well, I Didn’t Mean It Like That…” – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/04/18/intention-v-impact/ “Well, I didn’t mean it like that…” Sometimes you, and I, try to apologize for the impact our words have on others by trying to explain the intention behind them. Certainly sometimes explaining our intention is helpful in terms of clearing up a misunderstanding.  But have you ever tried to explain your intention and met with even more hurt, anger, resentment, and shut down?  That’s because explaining your intention isn’t an effective […]

What Surrounds You Shapes You – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/04/04/what-surrounds-you-shapes-you/ I saw this powerful PSA on Facebook the other day: Powerful, right? It’s true, children are sponges.  Whatever their parents (& peers) say and do, they absorb it and it shapes how they act.  And those models stay there for a long time. I am not a parent, and so I have no business dispensing parenting advice.  So I won’t.  But I do want to say to all you adults, that the […]

Observing Yourself – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/03/20/observing-yourself/ In Compassionate Communication there are five major skills.  One of them is called “observation”.  At first, I thought this skill was all about noticing and talking about what you literally see.  So instead of “this room is a mess” saying “I see a couple of dirty dishes on the table, and a bunch of books all over the couch”. But the skill of “observation” also goes much deeper than this.  The skill […]

The Limits of Communication… And What You Can Do About Them – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/02/21/the-limits-of-communication-and-what-you-can-do-about-them/ Some people come to my workshops, and say:  “Hey, this stuff is great, but doesn’t this stuff only work as long as the other person is also willing to communicate with compassion and honesty?” And my answer is always something like: “Yeah…sorta.  But even if the other person doesn’t want to engage in honest and compassionate dialogue, these tools can still help you in that situation.” First, I am going to explain […]

Blaming – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/02/06/blaming/ I want to share this fun cartoon of a small snippet of a Brene Brown talk.  The cartoon is about blaming.  Blaming is pointing the finger and identifying who or what is responsible when something goes wrong. Blaming is an attractive activity.  If I can figure out who or what is responsible for my plans being ruined, my day being thrown off, or for a terrible tragedy then I can establish a […]

Understanding Privilege – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/01/25/understanding-privilege/ I have been born with a tremendous amount of privilege.  I am a straight white male, who grew up in an upper middle-class, Christian home.  All of these different accidental properties of my identity and upbringing carry with them unearned advantages.  These unearned advantages are called “privilege”.  I do not feel guilty about this, nor should I.  Part of the very definition of “privilege” is “unearned”.  It is merely an accident, chance, […]

Empathizing with Your Shadow Side – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/01/04/empathizing-with-your-shadow-side/ We all have a shadow side.  A side of you that you don’t want others to see or notice.  I know I have a shadow side.  There are opinions, feelings, and parts of my personality which I don’t want other people to see.  And it’s not just that I don’t want other people to see them, I also judge those parts of myself as “wrong”, “bad”, or “deficient” Do you know what […]

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