Tag: Non-violent Communication

Marriage: How Do You Know You’ve Found “The One”? – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/09/26/marriage-how-do-you-know-youve-found-the-one/ I’ve attended a lot of weddings this summer (my own included in that).  And in going to so many weddings, the question naturally arises “how do you know when you’ve found ‘the one’?” This is a very anxiety producing question in our culture.  Many of us were raised on a diet of fairy tale love stories, Disney movies, and rom-coms that depict moments where the light bulb goes off, things click, and […]

Me & Not Me – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/09/12/me-not-me/ I want to share with you one of my favorite exercises that helps people set boundaries.  It’s called “Me & Not Me”. One of the key obstacles to setting boundaries is a difficulty in separating oneself from others.  Now, that might sound silly.  Of course you know who you are, and that you are a separate person from your partner or your friends.  But there are all sorts of sneaky ways in […]

Three Essentials to Staying Connected in Stressful Times – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/08/15/three-ways-for-couples-to-stay-connected-in-stressful-times/ Relationships have seasons. Sometimes a relationship is in a season of peace and tranquility.  And sometimes a relationship is in a season of stress and frustration. These difficult seasons are inevitable.  My now wife and I just got married in July (regular readers may have noticed a lack of blog posts that month).  And while it was a wonderful celebration, it certainly was a stressful build up.  If our relationships are going […]

Feelings: The Language of Connection – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/06/27/feelings-the-language-of-connection/ Time and time again, the most powerful shift in couples I coach happens when they start expressing their feelings to one another.  Our emotions are truly the language of connection.  And so it is tragic that we in the West have mostly been cut off from our feelings. Emotions are not simply whatever we put after the phrase “I feel…”  Unfortunately, we’ve learned to replace feelings with lots of thoughts.   “I feel […]

Needs: The Signposts of the Soul – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/05/29/needs-the-signposts-of-the-soul/ We all have needs.  And those needs go far beyond just air, food, water, and shelter. We need love, warmth, acceptance, community, friendship, honesty, respect, connection, and the list goes on and on and on.  The Center for Nonviolent Communication has created a wonderful list of potential needs.  This list is not meant to be all inclusive, but it gives you an idea of all the various things we need. Our needs […]

Navigating the Intimacy Paradox – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/05/02/navigating-the-intimacy-paradox/ Intimacy is a paradox. We both crave it, and hate it. Richard Rohr, in his book Immortal Diamond clearly and succinctly summarizes this paradox:  “intimacy happens when we reveal and expose our insides, and this is always scary.  One never knows if the other can receive what is exposed, will respect it, or will run fast in the other direction.  One must be prepared to be rejected.  It is always a risk.” […]

“Well, I Didn’t Mean It Like That…” – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/04/18/intention-v-impact/ “Well, I didn’t mean it like that…” Sometimes you, and I, try to apologize for the impact our words have on others by trying to explain the intention behind them. Certainly sometimes explaining our intention is helpful in terms of clearing up a misunderstanding.  But have you ever tried to explain your intention and met with even more hurt, anger, resentment, and shut down?  That’s because explaining your intention isn’t an effective […]

What Surrounds You Shapes You – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/04/04/what-surrounds-you-shapes-you/ I saw this powerful PSA on Facebook the other day: Powerful, right? It’s true, children are sponges.  Whatever their parents (& peers) say and do, they absorb it and it shapes how they act.  And those models stay there for a long time. I am not a parent, and so I have no business dispensing parenting advice.  So I won’t.  But I do want to say to all you adults, that the […]

Observing Yourself – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/03/20/observing-yourself/ In Compassionate Communication there are five major skills.  One of them is called “observation”.  At first, I thought this skill was all about noticing and talking about what you literally see.  So instead of “this room is a mess” saying “I see a couple of dirty dishes on the table, and a bunch of books all over the couch”. But the skill of “observation” also goes much deeper than this.  The skill […]

The Limits of Communication… And What You Can Do About Them – by Kind Communication

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Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2016/02/21/the-limits-of-communication-and-what-you-can-do-about-them/ Some people come to my workshops, and say:  “Hey, this stuff is great, but doesn’t this stuff only work as long as the other person is also willing to communicate with compassion and honesty?” And my answer is always something like: “Yeah…sorta.  But even if the other person doesn’t want to engage in honest and compassionate dialogue, these tools can still help you in that situation.” First, I am going to explain […]

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