Three Questions to Distinguish Remorse from Feeling Fundamentally Wrong – by Kind Communication

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2014/02/09/three-questions-to-distinguish-remorse-from-feeling-fundamentally-wrong/

We all make mistakes.  Of course.  I have made them, and so have you.  And sometimes I have made my mistakes into bigger problems than they really were.

“Making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

The expression says it all.  I’ve become really convinced that my mistake was a “catastrophe” or at least “really wrong”.  If you ask me about how I’m feeling I say “guilty” or “disappointed” or simply “bad”.  And really I’m saying “I feel shame.  I feel like I’m a failure, and I’m scared that you might look down on me.”

Sound familiar?  Maybe not, and that’s fantastic.  But many of you may know this experience all too well.  What’s tricky about it is that of course you want to “do better next time”.  You “want to learn from my mistakes”.  Or you “want to take responsibility for my actions.”  You “ought to feel guilty, disappointed, or regret when you do something wrong”.

All these beliefs make it hard for you to realize when you’re overblowing the significance of the mistake.  Some of you may have heard of the feeling of “shame” or “the inner critic” or “feeling unworthy”.  There is a significant difference between feeling regret and seeing yourself as fundamentally wrong.

But like I said above, it can be difficult to distinguish the difference so here are three questions to ask yourself to see if you’re feeling genuine remorse or fundamentally wrong:

First, how do I feel?  If I notice that my feelings of disappointment color everything, that nothing seems “right”, that’s feeling fundamentally wrong.  And when I feel remorse, I certainly do feel sad and disappointed.  I’m definitely not happy.  But I am able to take my attention off of the mistake for a while.  I can actually be cheered up.  When I’m so despondent I can’t be reached by anyone’s encouragement or support, I’m definitely feeling worthless and not simple remorse.

Second, I ask myself “am I okay?”  I don’t mean “am I going to be okay?” or a reassuring “you still have your health and life.”  ”Am I okay” right here in the present moment.  The specific question I use may not relate to you, but you have to be honest with yourself about whether in this moment you feel wrong, bad, like a failure, shame, or unworthy.  Some other variations on this question you might find more useful: “am I acceptable?”  or “am I good?”  or “am I loveable?”

Third, can you see the good in what you were trying to do?  Everything we do is in an attempt to fulfill our natural values or needs.  If you can see what the positive values or needs you were trying to meet for yourself, then you’re feeling natural remorse.  But if it seems like you had malicious intentions all along, that’s this feeling of being fundamentally wrong.  Genuine remorse is not just noticing that what you tried to do failed in some way, it is also noticing what you wanted to achieve and why you thought what you did would achieve that.  Genuine remorse gives you room to learn, to grow, to improve.  Feeling fundamentally wrong prevents all that.

It’s important to distinguish genuine remorse from feeling fundamentally wrong.  Recognizing that you’re feeling fundamentally wrong will help you realize that you’re experiencing unnecessary suffering.  That you can become liberated from that suffering while still able to learn from your mistakes.  Honest, compassion self-evaluation is possible.  And the first step is noticing when you’re self-evaluation is skewed.

KindCommunication.org is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 2.3.2014

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/group/t-h-media-mail-archive/forum/topics/tragedy-and-hope-media-mail-this-week-s-publications-2-03-2014

(Blog) John Gatto Recovery Group: 02-01-14 Update on John

(Video) Interview with State of Mind Producers on Liberty Talk Radio (featuring Richard Grove and Kevin Cole of Tragedy and Hope)

(Audio) Peace Revolution episode #80:JFK 50 Years Later / QUI BONO?

(Video) Gnostic Media episode #190:An Interview with Gary Wilson – “This is Your Brain on Porn”

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: #SOTU? STFU!, 3D Printer Patent, Drone Rustlers Update

(Video) James Corbett reporting for GRTV: The NSA and the 9/11 Deception

(Video) The Corbett Report: Divide and Conquer: Politics and the Left/Right Fraud

(Audio) The Corbett Report: Jimenez, Secker, Corbett Roundtable on Snowden, James Bond

(Audio) The Corbett Report: Deadline Headlines with Jack Blood

(Audio) The Corbett Report: James Corbett Talks Shop on 42 Minutes

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume:#Episode096 – #TakeMeToChurch

(Audio) School Sucks episode #260: The Practice of Living Consciously (The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem …

(Audio) School Sucks episode #259: From Libertarianism to Liberalism – How Does That Work?

(Audio) School Sucks Project: Brett On Free Talk Live

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show:Meria With Michael Reccia “Trance Mission”

(Audio) Red Ice Radio:William Lyne – Occult Science Dictatorship

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Ben Davidson – Suspicious0bservers: Space Weather & The Next Mini Ice Age

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Richard J. Dewhurst – The Ancient Giants Who Ruled America

(Audio) Red Ice Radio 3Fourteen: Gregory Smith & Jon Rappoport – American Addict

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 1.27.2014

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/group/t-h-media-mail-archive/forum/topics/tragedy-and-hope-media-mail-this-week-s-publications-1-27-2014

(Audio) Peace Revolution episode #80: JFK 50 Years Later / QUI BONO?

(Video) Richard Grove on SGT Report: The Rothschild-Rockefeller Cartel VS Humanity

(Video) Gnostic Media episode #190: An Interview with Gary Wilson – “This is Your Brain on Porn”

(Audio) James Corbett with Richard Grove – FLNWO #11: Wall Street / Money Never Sleeps

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Who Is Behind the Ukrainian Riots?

(Video) James Corbett with Broc West: The Asia-Pacific Perspective: National Sovereignty vs. Immigration?

(Audio) The Corbett Report: The BFP Roundtable Tackles Political Labels

(Video) The Corbett Report: Sibel Edmonds Explains Erdogan’s Fall From Grace

(Audio) Media Monarchy:  Interview w/ Howard Sounes on ’27′ (A History of the 27 Club)

(Audio) School Sucks episode #258: What We’ve Learned From 20 Years of Zero Tolerance

(Audio) School Sucks Project: Brett on Free Talk Live

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show: Meria With Scott Shetler – Health & Fitness

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Rick Falkvinge – Pirate Party: Intellectual Property & Big Brother

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Dan Fogler – Don Peyote

(Audio) Red Ice Radio 3Fourteen: Aaron Dykes & Melissa Melton – Oligarchical Control of Modern Life

(Audio) Unplugged Mom (From the Archives) with Brett Veinotte of the School Sucks Project & Justin Arman of Parents for Liberty: Liberty Loves Learning Loves Liberty

Three Steps to Embracing Your Whole Self – by Kind Communication

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2014/01/26/three-steps-to-embracing-your-whole-self/

The parts of you that you reject the most fiercely.  The parts of you that you feel the most shame about.  The parts of others that you hate most vehemently.  All of these are in truth your deepest friends, they need to be embraced, and they actually will enrich your life.

Some people call these parts our “shadow self”.  Your shadow self is the parts of yourself which you reject, deny, and do not identify with.  We refuse to acknowledge and accept this shadow self as part of who we are.  And when you do that, when you reject a part of yourself, then it is impossible for you to truly embrace your whole self.

Allow me make an example of myself.  When I was living and working in Washington D.C., there was a part of me that really wanted to leave.  It wanted to move to a small, liberal, “hippie” town either on the West Coast or in New England and “disappear”.  It dreamed of working a quite job like at a family owned book store or grocery.  This dream had started before I had graduated college, but I refused to listen to it.  Instead I listened to my friends, culture, and family’s insistence on what I “should” do.  That I should get a good job that’s respected in the eyes of others and “pays well”.  That I should pursue a career that used my talents and abilities, and channeled my passion for social change.  That I should work a job I hated because it was better than being unemployed.

There are two primary ways ignoring your shadow self can manifest.  One is rage.  You judge, evaluate, blame, and criticize anyone who shares in the qualities which you deny you have.  The other is depression.  You judge, evaluate, blame, and criticize yourself such that you feel small and insignificant.

I experienced both.  Whenever I was in the office I would hold my co-workers in contempt.  I would judge them as lost and misguided.  I judged them as being only interested in money and power.  I even judged the whole city as corrupt, poisonous, and oppressive.  By judging them I was able to hold these qualities of being misguided, lost, and driven by social approval and money as things that were “not me”.  It helped me feel self-righteous.  They were the lost ones, not me.  They were the misguided ones, not me.  They were the money and power hungry, not me.

And then when I was at home I sank into a depression.  I drank heavily to drown out my feelings of loneliness, isolation, and disconnection.  I would stare at the ceiling, or at the mindless video game, crying inwardly.  I felt horrible.  I noticed how empty my daily life felt.

But there are three ways to turn this around.  First, you need to start where you’re at.  If you’re judging others start there.  If you’re judging yourself start there.  Notice what you are doing to contribute to your suffering.  Second, see that as your friend.  The judgment of others or yourself has a friendly intention.  But that intention has simply become blurred by the immense frustration brought on by denial and rejection.  Finally, listen to, accept, and learn from the feelings and needs within it.

In the very moment that I got laid off I felt this joy and freedom in my chest that I hadn’t felt in a long time.  I stopped resisting it, I didn’t go home and drink away my feelings, and I didn’t numb my brain with video games.  I saw this feeling within me as my friend, as wanting something more for me.  And so I stopped and listened.  I listened to my racing heart; I could hear its yearning to leave.  I learned that what I really wanted was a quiet, simple, low-key living environment.  That I wanted to do work that was embedded within a context of compassion and understanding.  I learned that it was I who had become lost and misguided.  It was I who had become more concerned with money and social acceptance than listening to my own heart.  And I learnt that I was deeply sad and lonely.  And when I accepted that I had to move.  I visited some towns, pick one, and left.  My depression and rage began to lift, and slowly but surely I came to embrace my whole self.

KindCommunication.org is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 1.20.2014

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/forum/topic/show?groupUrl=t-h-media-mail-archive&id=3972500%3ATopic%3A179530

(Video) Richard Grove on SGT Report: The Rothschild-Rockefeller Cartel VS Humanity

(Article)The science of mind control and how we learn to love our own slavery: Richard Grove on State of Mind

(Video) Tragedy & Hope: Professor Carroll Quigley and the “Article that Said Too Little” by Kevin Cole (2014)

(Video) Gnostic Media episode #189: An Interview with Prof. Jay Courtney Fikes, pt. 3 – “MK-ULTRA Continued… The Carlos Castaneda Deception”

(Audio) Gnostic Media (From the Archives) episode #78: Jan Irvin with Richard Grove: Dr. Patrick Byrne of Overstock.com interview – “Hey Wall Street, Naked Short Sell This!”

(Audio) James Corbett with Richard Grove – FLNWO #11: Wall Street / Money Never Sleeps

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: ICC to Prosecute UK Officials for Iraq War Crimes?

(Video) The Corbett Report: DANGER: Nullify NSA Gaining Ground (Racism! Slavery!)

(Audio) The Corbett Report: Questions for Corbett – Are Cancer Rates Rising?

(Audio) The Corbett Report: James Corbett on The Power Hour – The Shadow Banking Crisis

(Audio) School Sucks episode #256: 2 Weird Tips To Make School Suck Less

(Audio) School Sucks episode #257 (Supplemental): Better Communication With Ed and Ethan

(Audio) School Sucks episode #258: What We’ve Learned From 20 Years of Zero Tolerance

(Audio) School Sucks Project: Brett on Free Talk Live

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show:Roaring Truth with Meria Heller and Jim Fetzer

(Audio) Red Ice Radio:Walter Block – Hour 1 – Free Market 101

(Audio) Red Ice Radio:David Talbott – Hour 1 – The Electric Universe & The Saturn Myth

(Audio) Red Ice Radio 3Fourteen: Josie the Outlaw – Anarchism: Speaking Out Against Tyranny

(Audio) Media Monarchy: Interview w/ Cale Sampson on ‘The Big Picture’

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: Episode094 – Hear In Yo

VoluntaryVisions.com

Darrell Becker’s http://VoluntaryVisions.com/ is now live! The newest site tied to the Tragedy And Hope community focused on the Trivium method of Critical Thinking, Voluntary Communication, Non-Aggression Principle, and more. Equipped with audio archive to easily access all his interviews. Web site, illustrations, and animations by Wiki World Order If his work resonates with you, please consider donating to help kick-start his upcoming book

VoluntaryVisions.com Screenshot

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 1.13.2014

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/group/t-h-media-mail-archive/forum/topics/tragedy-and-hope-media-mail-this-week-s-publications-1-13-2013

(Video) Mark Passio’s Natural Law Seminar / Natural Law the REAL Law of Attraction

(Video) Gnostic Media episode #188: An Interview with Randy Mabe – “Astrotheology: Fact or Fiction?”

(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #187: An Interview with Gavan Kearney – “What is Art? The Degradation of Society through “Modern Art””

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: GMO-free Cheerios, NSA Catalog, Celeb Shilling

(Video) The Corbett Report: Secrets for Sale?: The Greenwald/Omidyar/NSA connection

(Video) The Corbett Report: Volgograd Bombings: NATO, Bandar Bush main suspects

(Audio) The Corbett Report: James Corbett interviews Kevin Ryan: Questioning the Snowden Story

(Video) School Sucks Project: The Dumbing Down of America (The Best of J.T. Gatto Interlude)

(Audio) School Sucks episode #252: The Trivium Method Applied – Voluntary Communication (Part 3 of 4, …

(Audio) School Sucks episode #253: The Trivium Method Applied – Voluntary Communication (Part 4 of 4, …

(Audio) School Sucks episode #254: Compulsory Schooling In Revolutionary Times (with Jeffrey Tucker)

(Audio) School Sucks episode #255: School Sucks At the Movies – The Wolf of Wall Street (with Jeffrey Tucker) & to watch full video click here

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show: Meria with Marion Nestle – “Eat, Drink, Vote”

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Sterling Allan – 2013 in Review: Free Energy

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: James Hall – Breaking All the Rules: Totalitarian Collectivism

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Terry Melanson – The Conspiracy behind the Bavarian Order of the Illuminati

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Amy Vickers – Legacy of Lloyd Pye & Continued Starchild Skull Research

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Robert Bauval - Zahi Hawass’ Khufu Cartouche Heist Claims Against Robert Bauval

(Audio) Red Ice Radio 3Fourteen: Carolyn Dean – Magnesium: The Miracle Mineral

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: #Episode093 – #PromisedLand

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: #Episode092 – #WordOfMouth

Your Addiction is Trying to Heal You – by Kind Communication

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2014/01/12/your-addiction-is-trying-to-heal-you/

“Addictions hook us because they offer us something our souls need in order to be free.”
-Steve Bearman

Interesting quote huh?  It certainly goes against our society’s party line on addictions: “it’s a disease which must be cured”.  Looking at addiction as a disease creates an atmosphere of combat, of resistance, and an agenda of elimination.  But we forget that unlike a virus, addictions are actually trying to serve something within us.

Remember that everything we do, we do to try to meet our core values, needs, concerns, and desires.  And addictions are no different.  Often people refer to “self-medicating” in order to “not feel”.  This numbing out could give you peace, harmony, tranquility, or balance when your emotional world is in turmoil.  Or maybe what you get out of the addictive behavior is social approval, connection, friendship, fulfillment, play, or even spiritual meaning.  As you can see all of these core needs are very important, and it is vital that we try to get them met.  And the addiction is trying to do just that.  Your addiction is trying to heal you, its trying to make you more whole by taking care of some unfulfilled, potentially neglected, need within you.  This is why you can’t simply stop doing an activity; you really have to find a new activity, something that fulfills your core needs in a more sustainable, holistic way.

So if addictions are trying to help us, then why are they so destructive?  Well simply put, we do the addictive behavior because it is the best strategy we’ve found so far.  There was a period of my life, when I was working and living in Washington D.C., where I found my work to be very stressful and meaningless.  I also didn’t have a strong community of friends to blow off steam with and just play.  So I ended up drinking too much while playing video games, nearly every night.  The alcohol and video games were giving me play, and relief from the pain and stress I felt daily at my job.  I had tried meeting friends at my local church, at work, with some people I was living with, and even going to local events.  But to no avail, I experience rejection again and again.  So the drinking and the games gave me the play and emotional peace without all the pain of rejection.  Best strategy I could come up with at the time.

But the drinking and video games weren’t taking care of my needs for community and connection.  And so I became more and more isolated.  And that’s when the addiction could have taken a very ugly turn.  Fortunately though it didn’t.  I eventually left Washington D.C. and found a rich community of friends and support in Davis, CA.  And anyone whose struggled with addiction knows that it isn’t enough to identify the core need your addiction is trying to serve and find a more sustainable and holistic strategy.  You also often need support and encouragement from a community of people.  Habitual behavior patterns can be hard to break; sometimes even our sense of identity has become wrapped up in the addiction.  And old reminders of the “glory days” or “triggers” can send us back to square one.  A community of people who unconditionally love you, support you, and encourage you to find more sustainable, holistic activities that serve your needs is necessary to come out of the other side of addiction, to become liberated.

KindCommunication.org is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

The Shape: Happy Travels – Music Video by WWO

Journey of some basic and universally sacred geometries through recursive animations, plus a bit. Triangles, squares, pentagons, hexagons, merkabas, peace & love fractalized vesica piscis, all animated rescursively. Made for my good friends The Shape – Happy Travels: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVXGU7G9g_A – http://TheShapeIsReal.com

Open Source Animation! Download After Effects files and swap in anything you like to render these with: http://WikiWorldOrder.org/images/Shapes-AE-Files.zip
Component animations for music video…

More on Sacred Geometry: http://WoodenBooks.com/browse/index.php

The New Year – by Kind Communication

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2013/12/29/the-new-year/

This is the final piece in a three part series on “The Holidays”.  We’ve looked at how to make the tradition of giving and receiving gifts much more joyful.  I then answered the three most frequent questions I hear about how to bring Nonviolent Communication to your family.  And now I’m going to turn to the New Year.

If you read self-growth blogs and articles often then you’ve probably been bombarded with all sorts of suggestions about New Year resolutions and how to make the most out of the New Year.  And even if you haven’t, your mind is probably starting to wander into future tripping…thinking about what is to come.

I invite you to take a moment and ground yourself here in now.  Right now, you are in the transition from one year to the next.  You are in the in between time.  And I don’t have any suggestions for you on what to do differently in the New Year, but I do have a fun exercise if you’d like to try it.  This exercise will help you discover what you truly want in the New Year.

First, get in a quiet place, with paper and pen, and allow your mind to settle down.  Become still.  Many people find following their breath, or becoming aware of their expanding and contracting chest, to be helpful in quieting the mind.

Now, write down your top 3 – 5 moments from the year 2013.  In what moments did you feel utterly alive?  What were the moments that you wished could have been frozen in time?  What moments do you almost wish you could go back to right now?

Then, write down the 3 – 5 lowest moments in the year 2013.  What moments are etched in your memory from this year because of the pain and sadness?  What moments do you reflect on and cringe?  What is that moment which you don’t want to write down?

Now, write about what feelings and needs were met or not met in each of these moments.  Take your time with this step.  Allow yourself to connect with each feeling and each met or unmet need.  This is giving you a greater connection with your essential self, with the deepest values, core concerns, and core desires you have.

Finally, reflect upon everything you’ve written down.  Is there anything you want to make sure to do in the upcoming year to meet your needs?  Is there anything in the upcoming year you want to make sure you don’t do to avoid unmet needs?  Do you notice any recurring unmet needs?  If so, what specific things could you do to make sure those needs get me this year?  Do you notice any recurring needs that got fulfilled?  What specific things can you do to make sure they keep getting met?  With this final step the more specific you can get, the better.

I hope you have a great New Year.  I hope you find a more enriched life in 2014.  I hope you find new and innovative strategies to meet more of your needs.  And I hope that you give and receive more compassion than you did the year before.

KindCommunication.org is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 12.25.2013

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/group/t-h-media-mail-archive/forum/topics/tragedy-and-hope-media-mail-this-week-s-publications-12-25-2013

(Audio) Peace Revolution episode #79: No Masters, No Slaves / You Are The Illuminati

(Video) Mark Passio’s Natural Law Seminar / Natural Law the REAL Law of Attraction

(Video) Gnostic Media: The Mysterious Origins of Christmas – Jan Irvin at the Living Templ…

(Video) The Corbett Report & Media Monarchy: New World Next Year – 2014

(Video) The Corbett Report: Media Lies While Syrians Die: Media Disinformation and the Syrian War

(Video) The Corbett Report: James Corbett Discusses the Alt Media on Trans Resister Radio

(Video) The Corbett Report: BFPRoundtable #02: Greenwald, Omidyar, PayPal and the NSA

(Video) The Corbett Report: The NSA Enemy List on Ground Zero

(Audio) The Corbett Report: G. Edward Griffin Unmasks the Creature from Jekyll Island

(Audio) The Corbett Report:John Young Breaks Down the Snowden/NSA Saga

(Audio) The Corbett Report: The Power Hour – Curveballs in the Asia-Pacific

(Video) School Sucks Project: The Scientific Management of America, Part 2 (Best of Gatto, Episod…

(Audio) School Sucks episode #251 (Supplemental): Conspiracy Theorists Vs. Skeptics – Brett On ALP Live

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show:Meria With Carl Helvie, 39 yr Cancer Survivor

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Lisa Andersson – Hour 1 & 2 – When Swedish Tax Authorities Attack

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Anthony Peake – Philip K Dick – The Man Who Remembered the Future

(Audio) Red Ice Radio 3Fourteen: Jon Kelly – Reverse Speech: Secret Backwards Messages in the Human …

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: Episode090 – What You Need

(Video) JoyCamp: RFID Chip Commercial (Comedy)

The Family – by Kind Communication

Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2013/12/16/the-family/

This is the second part in my three part series on “The Holidays”.  Last time we looked at giving and getting more than presents this year.  And now I’m going to look at the tradition of seeing the family.

At the beginning, I’d like to recognize that some people won’t be seeing their families this holiday season and that may be very, very painful for them.  I just want to empathize with how hard, painful, isolating, lonely, and sad this holiday season can be for you.

But for those who are going to see their family, I want to go over three major issues that come up for people seeing their families.  One I hear all the time is that they wish there was more openness and vulnerability in their family, less small talk and niceties.  The second thing I hear is how people feel like they revert to a younger version of themselves when they’re around their families, and can’t remember their NVC skills at all.  And third, I hear people wanting to forgive family members and move on, but don’t know how.

“How do I have more openness, vulnerability, and authenticity in my family?”

You would really like to feel closer to and more connected to our families.  Closeness and connection really comes from being seen, understood, and accepted.  And the only way to even have a chance of being seen, understood, and accepted is by showing up as yourself.  You need to be willing to make the first move.  Be open about your life, share your vulnerabilities with your family, and be your authentic self.   Of course, there is nothing we can do to ensure that our family members give us acceptance or understanding.  They may not be willing or able to, and coming to terms with that can be quite painful and hard.

“How come when I see my family I fall back into old patterns, and can’t remember any skills I’ve learned?”

A natural question after that first one.  I’ve told you that if you want more authenticity, openness, and vulnerability in your family that you have to make the first move.  But in the moment when you’re sitting at dinner and someone speaks that dreaded word or phrase you’ve heard since childhood….all of a sudden you find yourself acting the same way you’ve acted for decades.  First, just give yourself some empathy here.  It’s very hard to overcome old behavior patterns, especially when you don’t feel supported by the people around you in making those changes.  And when you get triggered to a young childhood memory, of course your mind goes right back to the pain and suffering you felt then, leaving the present entirely.

And so I encourage you to in those moments self-empathize with yourself.  Pause, take a breath, and empathize with the pain you’re feeling.  Befriend that negative emotion.  And even if you’ve already acted the way you always have, and the moment seems to have passed, you can always go back and do a redo.  Simply say the person “You know, when I did x, y, and z a moment ago…it really wasn’t in integrity with my deeper values.  I’d like to try to express myself a little differently.  If I could do it again, I would have said…”  Don’t think of “mistakes” as failures, but as opportunities to practice your skills.

“I want to forgive my family and move on…but how?”

This is challenging indeed, but if you can do it, you will find it is very rewarding.  Begin by recognizing and befriending your own feelings and needs.  What exactly did your family member do that hurt you?  Can you describe it in photographic, observational language stripped away of all evaluation and interpretation?  If not, then you need to empathize with your own feelings and needs more.  Once you can see what the other person did as an objective third party might, then try to empathize, try to understand, what the other person was feeling and needing in that moment.  What was their action intended to accomplish for themselves?  How were they feeling in the moments leading up to that action?

And once you can befriend and empathize with how they were feeling and what they needed.  Then you can say “I forgive you.”

KindCommunication.org is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 12.16.2013

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/group/t-h-media-mail-archive/forum/topics/tragedy-and-hope-media-mail-this-week-s-publications-12-16-2013

(Audio) Richard Grove on Alchemy Radio with John Gibbons: From Whistleblowing to Living Autonomously

(Audio) Peace Revolution episode #78: Rise of the Whistleblowers / How Freedom becomes Free Again
 
(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #186: An Interview with Dave McGowan – “The CIA and the “Magic” of Laurel Canyon – Covert Ops & the Da…

(Video) James Corbett for GRTV: The Open Source Solution

(Video) The Corbett Report & Media Monarchy – New World Next Week: Hitila, Media PTSD, Viral Truth

(Audio) James Corbett with Michael Maharrey on Nullifying the NSA

(Video) The Corbett Report: How to Nullify the NSA (and every other government tyranny)

(Video) The Corbett Report: Lies, Damned Lies, and Government Statistics

(Video) The Corbett Report: Meet the DSM: Big Pharma’s Psychiatric Bible

(Video) The Corbett Report: Geneva Business Insider – Mandela’s Legacy, Eurozone Woes

(Video) The Corbett Report: 10 Climate Myths Debunked (in 60 seconds!)

(Video) The Corbett Report: 1984: Warning or Conditioning?

(Audio) The Corbett Report: Deadline Headlines with Jack Blood

(Audio) The Corbett Report: Traces of Reality Radio – Jimenez/Secker/Corbett Roundtable on Greenwald, Amazon, Gamers

(Audio) School Sucks Project: The Scientific Management of America, Part 1 (Best of Gatto, Episod…

(Audio) School Sucks episode #250a: Live Sestercentepisodic Gala, Part 1 – GTD Challenges and Solutions

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show: Meria with Producer Dave Gardner-GrowthBuster

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: John W. Whitehead – A Government of Wolves & The Electronic Concentration Camp

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Jeva Singh-Anand & Josef Wäges – Translating the Rituals and Doctrines of the Bavarian Order of the …

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: #Episode089 – #WeAreExplorers

(Video) JoyCamp: Lizards of Waverly Place (Comedy)

AltBib.Com Hits 5 Million Database Loads (Queries)

My earliest sister project of Wiki World Order (it’s predecessor in fact), has just passed a silly, self-created benchmark after four and a half years. AltBib.Com currently has 6,679 Reference Links, with 14,738 Tags/Keywords, 81,862 Taggings (connections between links and tags), and 5,007,713 Database Loads or Queries (like page loads)…including many robot visits it seems. Over 2.3 million of these database loads took place just during 2013.

To Google Analytics, since July 2010 this translates to 10,572 Visits, 7,694 Unique Visitors, 28,571 Pageviews, 2.70 Pages/Visit, 00:05:05 Avg. Visit Duration, 72.38% Bounce Rate, 72.78% % New Visits. And as InfoWarDocs.org from May 2009 to July 2010: 16,681 Visits, 10,379 Unique Visitors, 43,482 Pageviews, 2.61 Pages/Visit, 00:03:59 Avg. Visit Duration, 78.37% Bounce Rate, 62.15% % New Visits. Lots of robots I’m sure, but I am pleased to see the average visit duration over five minutes.

AltBib.Com 5 Million

AltBib.Com 5 Million

AltBib.Com is a bibliography for the alternative media. This site is a completely free research tool used to collect and organize as much important documentation as possible, largely mainstream sources referenced by alternative media and interesting films. Please collaborate by suggesting related document links.

For better and worse, it is primarily my perspective via the various outlets i follow and the sources they use. The bulk is comprised of sources cited from the Tragedy & Hope community of media creators (http://TragedyAndHope.com), the featured stories from PrisonPlanet.com, various drug policy reform activist newsletters, and periodically the Facebook shares from the brilliant friends. I bet that roughly one out of every articles/documents/videos i consume gets documented, systematically tagged, and archived there on AltBib.Com.

Here is my original video introducing AltBib.Com…

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 12.9.2013

Re-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!
TragedyAndHope.ning.com/group/t-h-media-mail-archive/forum/topics/tragedy-and-hope-media-mail-this-week-s-publications-12-09-2013

(Audio) Peace Revolution episode #78: Rise of the Whistleblowers / How Freedom becomes Free Again

(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #186: An Interview with Dave McGowan – “The CIA and the “Magic” of Laurel Canyon – Covert Ops & the Da…

(Video) The Corbett Report: UN rappporteur to “investigate” NSA / GCHQ agency spying

(Video) The Corbett Report: Genetic Fallacy: How Monsanto Silences Scientific Dissent

(Video) James Corbett & Broc West: China’s ADIZ, Thai Protests, AP Updates – Asia-Pacific Perspective

(Audio) James Corbett with David Smith: The Geneva Business Insider

(Audio) James Corbett interview: Bruce Levine Dissects the DSM-5

(Audio) James Corbett interview: Galen Mitrzyk Discusses the 9/11 Justice Campaign

(Audio) James Corbett on Porkins Policy Radio

(Audio) School Sucks Project: An Important and Urgent Message From Brett

(Audio) School Sucks episode #249: Some Small Steps Toward Sovereign Living (with John Bush)

(Audio) Unplugged Mom (from the archives): Man Versus Machine: A Media Ecology Discussion

(Audio) The Meria Heller Show: Meria delivers the news

(Audio) Red Ice Radio Gavan Kearney – Hour 1 – The State of the Art, Corrosive Counter-Culture & Attack on Beauty

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Johan Oldenkamp – Hour 1 – Creation of Man & Understanding God’s Ten Commandments

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: #Episode088 – #PutMeThrough