Focus on “The Process” more than “The Results” – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.orgRe-posted From:

Process or results, what do you focus on?

Most of us focus on results.  We live in a culture that really emphasizes results.  Focusing on results means you are focused on the resolution of a problem, or getting what you want accomplished.  Results are tangible things we focus on.

So when you are focused on achieving your preferred resolution, “my partner will start spending more time with me on the weekends”, that is focusing on results.  Another kind of result might be “my parents will accept me for who I am”.  An example of focusing on personal results might be “I will no longer be crippled by anxiety” or “I will love and accept myself fully”.

But you don’t actually have control over these results.  All of them require not only your energy and dedication, but they also require the energy and dedication of others.  They may even require the right set of external circumstances to fall into place before that result will manifest itself.  Even the personal results.

Just to explore this a little further let’s take “I will no longer be crippled by anxiety”.  Not only does that require your own effort, but it may require that you have a supportive network of people in your life.  It may require that you don’t experience any new large traumas in life which leave you with new phobias or fears.  It may also require a change in your environment which may be difficult to pinpoint or difficult to change.  It may even require that you are “in the right place at the right time”, a very mysterious condition indeed.

So when you focus on the results you really are focusing on something that is outside of your personal control.  Process goals on the other hand are things that you actually do have control over.  Focusing on the process means that you are focused on doing what you actually can do to move towards a particular result.

In Nonviolent Communication, we really are focusing on the process rather than the results.  In NVC are goals are “to communicate my feelings and needs/values to this other person”, or “listening to the other with compassion”, or “making requests of the other person”.  This is a challenge to our whole cultural conditioning.  Our culture focuses on getting results.  NVC focuses on doing what you actually can accomplish.  And in doing that you let go of those things you can’t actually control.  All of a sudden your partner’s anger isn’t your responsibility to fix or resolve.  All you can do is either listen to them with empathy, or express to them how you feel and what your needs/values are when they are angry.

This isn’t naive thinking, this is reality.  All that you have control over is how you behave.  And so if you focus on the process, rather than the results, you may find that you have more energy to put into your actions, you have more satisfaction with what happens in life, and that you have less disappointment about unmet expectations.

But that’s not why I wrote this article.  If it was, then this would be a results orientated article.  My process goal in writing this article was to write something that was alive in my heart and mind in this moment.  And I accomplished that process goal. is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Presidents’ U.N.Speak (a doublespeak remix by WWO)

Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc, as history keeps repeating. This is a history lesson on the last century of terror, empire, and doublespeak via the United Nations. A video puzzle and thought experiment.

Full-Length Remix:
5 Minute Teaser With Music:
Teaser Without Music:

5 Minute Teaser With Music:

U.N. Speeches In Full (videos & transcripts)

=== Obama at UN, Sept 24 2014 ===

=== Obama at UN, Sept 23 2009 ===

=== Bush at UN, Sept 23 2008 ===

=== Bush at UN, Sept 12 2002 ===

=== Bush at UN, Nov 10 2001 ===

=== Clinton at UN, Sept 22, 1998 ===

=== Clinton at UN, Sept 22, 1997 ===

=== Bush Sr at UN, Oct 1 1990 ===

=== Reagan at UN, Sept 21 1987 ===

=== JFK at UN, Sept 20 1963 ===

=== Eisenhower at UN, Sept 25 1961 ===

The Whitest Kids U’ Know: Pledge of Allegiance


Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 10.31.2014

Tragedy and HopeRe-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Tony – Pastor Steven Anderson

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Ammon Bundy ([son of Cliven Bundy] + BONUS LOADED)

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Michael w/ MOX News – Alma Sommer – Anthony Miller

(Video & Audio) The Corbett Report; Questions For Corbett #018: How many TRILLIONS did the Pentagon “lose”?

(Video & Audio) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Will Oregon Label GMOs?

(Video & Audio) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Ebola Vaccine, Petrodollar Plane Crash, Citizen’s Arrest 

(Video, Audio & Transcripts) The Corbett Report (6 part 2013 series): An Introduction to “Gladio B”

(Video) The Corbett Report interview #961: The Mind Renewed: ISIS and the Strategy of Tension 

(Audio) The Corbett Report interview #960: The Beard World Order on The ISIS Conspiracy

(Audio) The Corbett Report interview #959: James Corbett Breaks The Set on The Federal Reserve 

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: Psychology of Trolls: Narcissists, Psychopaths and Sadists

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: Determinism vs. Free Will: Part 2641 of Infinity 

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: Does Morality Apply to Animals? Moral Categories Explained

(Video & Audio) Gnostic Media episode #217: Dr. Kate Rhéaume-Bleue interview – “Vitamin K2 and the Calcium Para…

(Audio) Media Monarchy: Dennis & Elizabeth Kucinich Speak Out at Oregon’s Yes On 92 Rally

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: Episode132 – All The Way Down 

(Audio) Meria Heller Show: Send In the Clowns with Meria and Dave McGowan

(Audio) School Sucks episode #315a: American Compulsory Schooling – History, Development and Hidden Age… 

(Audio) School Sucks episode #315b: American Compulsory Schooling – Alternatives and Escapes

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: John de Nugent – Hour 1 – The Solutreans: The First Ancient Settler…

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Dave & Kim Dortch – Family Battles Police Harassment in Riversi…  

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: James Swagger – Hour 1 – The Irish & Scottish Origins of Halloween 

Tragedy and Hope Media Mail / This Week’s Publications 10.24.2014

Tragedy and HopeRe-posted from the amazing Tragedy and Hope Community, my favorite source for alternative thought and information in the world. Please check it out, sign up, participate, and support today!

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Guests: Jeff Deist – Dr. Phranq Tamburri

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Guests: Marc J Victor, Max Victor, Braedon Victor – Topic: Attorney For Freedom

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Guests: Allen St. Pierre – Topic: NORML and The NORML Foundation – Angela Keaton – Cindy Sheehan 

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Guest: David Blume (Blume Distillation) – Hour 3+ BONUS

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Guests: Brandon Casten – Patrick Byrne – Ryan Gilbert 

(Video & Audio) Declare Your Independence with Ernest Hancock: Guests: Dmitry “Rassah” Murashchik – Roger Ver 

For more updates/posts:

(Article) The Corbett Report: In Memoriam Stan Monteith

(Video) The Corbett Report; Questions For Corbett: Did the Fed Steal Ukraine’s Gold?

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Hong Kong Protests, Holder Folds, Webb Vindicated

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Freezing Eggs, Oil Drop, WMD Cover Up

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Bitcoin Bypass, Biden Truth, Anarchapulco  

(Video) James Corbett & James Evan Pilato – New World Next Week: Ebola Vaccine, Petrodollar Plane Crash, Citizen’s Arrest 

(Audio) The Corbett Report podcast episode #296 - How to Herd Your Tax Cattle 

(Audio) The Corbett Report interview #947: Lionel Breaks Down Little Brother

(Video) The Corbett Report interview #954: Sibel Edmonds Explains “The Lone Gladio” 

(Audio) The Corbett Report interview #937: NSA Whistleblower William Binney Joins Richard Gage to Call for 9/1…

(Audio) The Corbett Report interview #955: Lars Schall and Paul Zarembka Dissect the 9/11 Insider Trading

(Audio) The Corbett Report interview # 958: Financial Survival: The Psychology of Control

(Article) The Corbett Report: So What Does the World Bank Do Exactly?

(Audio) The Corbett Report: FLNWO #19 – Contagion

(Audio) The Corbett Report: FLNWO #20 – Grave of the Fireflies

(Video) The Corbett Report: Die From Ebola

For more updates/posts:

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: Manufactured Enemies

(Video) Stefan Molyneux interview: Noam Chomsky: The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: Christopher Columbus: Bankrupting an Empire

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: The Truth About Ayn Rand: Origins [1 of 4]

(Video) Stefan Molyneux: Canadian Terror Attacks: What You Need to Know!

For more updates/posts:

(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #212: Lenon Honor interview – “9/11 & Cyclical, Fear-Based Mind Contr…

(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #214: Stefan Verstappen Interview – “Defense Against the Psychopath, Pt. 1”

(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #215: Stefan Verstappen Interview – “Defense Against the Psychopath, Pt. 2”

(Audio) Gnostic Media episode #216: A Discussion with Freeman Burt, Tayler, Casey and Greg – “How to Re…

For more updates/posts:

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: Episode121 – Flesh War

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: Episode125 – At The Show

(Audio) Media Monarchy: @PumpUpThaVolume: Episode131 – Hundreds Of Ways

For more updates/posts:

(Audio) Meria Heller Show: Send In the Clowns with Meria and Dave McGowan 

For more updates/posts:

(Audio) School Sucks episode #308: Logic Saves Lives Part 12 – Reason Obscured and Recovered 

(Audio) School Sucks episode #311: (Live): Podcastmasters’ Liberty Master Class, Pilot Episode 

(Audio) School Sucks episode #312: Jeff Berwick – A World of Opportunity (The Freedom of Success Part 2)

(Audio) School Sucks episode #314: Legally Kidnapped – The Case Against CPS 

For more updates/posts:

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Kai Murros – Hour 1 – Pan-European Revolution

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Michael Hoffman – Hour 1 – The Untold History of the Enslavement of…

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Jon Rappoport – CDC Fraud: Vaccine Autism Link & Ebola

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Kevin MacDonald – Hour 1 – Refuting the Khazar Theory & Occiden… 

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Dennis Fetcho – Hour 1 – English Qabalah & Noahide Law

(Audio) Red Ice Radio: Morris Herman – New World Order Goals 

For more updates/posts:

Posts of Note within the Community:

(Game) DontFallacy.Me Logic Game: Beta Testing Begins! (Trivium Study Group)

Don’tFallacy.Me Logic Game: Beta Testing Begins!


Don’t Fallacy Me is a free, collaborative, multiplayer mind game! It provides a statement, then you select the clearest fallacy in it.

There is a large set of fallacious statements submitted by players like you, with their best attempts to name the most obvious fallacies included. There are optional discussions for each crowd-sourced statement to allow for debates and corrections to poppable fallacy answers.

Players can optionally choose to associate the statements they post with any of the uploaded photos, leave it as random, or even upload your own (graphic templates are provided).

There is also an ‘official’ set of hopefully straight-forward examples of each fallacy, which might be best for beginners. Fallacy descriptions and these beginner examples copied from Michael Labossiere‘s, 42 Fallacies.

Top 100 high score lists are also kept for best gaming sessions and for player career totals in each of the three difficulty modes described below. Read more here on the About Page.

Don’tFallacy.Me was created by Wiki World Order. This collaborative logic training game aims to improve critical thinking and aid in the revival of the trivium method of learning. Please explore, participate in, and support independent and constructive sources of news, research, and entertainment.

Beta Testing Announced!

I think I’ve finally gotten this little site to at least the ballpark where I would like to launch it. So it time to invite anyone interested to help me test it out and provide feedback on how it could (or needs to) be improved. No special access needed or anything, just browse to Don’tFallacy.Me. I encourage you to try playing the game as much as you find it interesting, and perhaps create a username, add some fallacious statements to the crowd-sourced collection, or join/start discussions.

How could this site create more value for you and help to the world? I’ve started with a few specific questions for beta players here, http://DontFallacy.Me/discuss/?feedback=1 . After a few months of feedback from my core communities, I plan to integrate any appropriate changes then promote the game more widely to the world. Thank you so much for participating and/or being an early adopter! & Trivium Fish

To help promote this more once this beta testing period is complete, I’ve created the first couple silly things (for which feedback is also warmly welcomed via the link above). The first is just a splash page based on phrase and illustration which struck me and stuck with me until realized…

DontFallacyMeBro.comLater, after pondering the required order of questions involved in the trivium, I felt like making another graphic, a Trivium Fish… http://DontFallacy.Me/fish

Trivium Fish

What Are You Responsible For? – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.orgRe-posted From:

You are only responsible for one thing: what you do.

This seems simple and clear, and yet I find that a lot of people are confused about what they are responsible for.  Namely, many people I talk to think that they are responsible for how others perceive them, for how others feel, meeting others’ expectations and ideals, as well as for the circumstances of one’s life.

When I coach people on communicating with someone they’re upset with I hear “but then they’ll feel sad/angry/scared/upset.”  And I always respond “Yeah, they might…but that isn’t your responsibility.”  

How others react to what you do is really their responsibility, it isn’t up to you.  And when you try to take care of others’ feelings, in other words take responsibility for others’ feelings, you’re preventing yourself from having an authentic relationship with this other person.  You’ll get so caught up in the “responsibility game” that you won’t feel free to just be yourself, which will lead to high stress, feeling unseen and unheard, and suffering.

In fact, if you censor yourself for the sake of the other person’s feelings and preferences, then you are responsible for lying, making yourself small, and for being fake.

And there are other people who try to reject any sense of responsibility at all.  ”He made me do it” or “I had to make that choice, there was nothing else I could have done.”  I also coach people who try to escape any sense of responsibility, nothing is ever their fault, and their life circumstances force them to act in certain ways.  This is also a mistake.

When you try to deny your responsibility for your own actions, instead of becoming free, you actually lose your power and become trapped by your own story.  Having responsibility for your own actions is empowering, it gives you choice and choice means you have autonomy and power.  If you tell yourself that you have no choices, that others and circumstances force you to act in a certain way, then you have no autonomy and thus no power.

And so you have to strike a balance.  I am responsible for my choices and actions, but I am not responsible for how others react to me nor am I completely responsible for all of my life circumstances.  Taking on more responsibility than that makes you lose your freedom to be yourself.  Taking on less responsibility than that means you’re giving up your freedom to have choice.

And so really responsibility and freedom go hand in hand.  You really can’t have one without the other.  And this terrifies many people.  Its why many of us run away from recognizing how free we really are.  Responsibility is a scary concept.  But it is hard to be truly happy if you do not embrace your inherent freedom. is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

WWUD? Golden Rulectangle Graphic Series

What Would yoU Do? This is just a little graphic series I felt compelled to create recently. A Golden Rule through its rectangle, related fibonacci spiral, and other symbolic favorites mashed here. Then combined with different expressions related to the Golden Rule as one rosetta stone to determining the best ways to navigate natural law.

Please feel free to play with these, share them on Facebook, etc:

All creative commons 2014

Why Do We Disengage? – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.orgRe-posted From:

Disengagement is the number one problem in communication.  Whether it is between parent and child, boss and employee, coworkers, friends, or significant others.  When one person disengages, compassionate communication quickly becomes difficult to near impossible.

Disengagement takes many forms.  Most of you probably saw that word and thought “walked away, left the conversation”.  And that certainly can be one form of disengagement.  Other forms it can take are attacking the other person, attacking oneself and stonewalling.  And you may be able to imagine a few other forms too.  Disengagement is basically any time one person stops the flow of open, honest, compassionate dialogue.

And why do we disengage?  And how can we counteract it?

Let me lay out just three reasons we disengage and how to counteract them.  The first is shame.  Shame is the feeling that I am bad, wrong, or unworthy.  And all sorts of things can trigger shame.  It can be something as aggressive as criticism or as banal as making a mistake.  Either way when someone feels shame they disengage to protect themselves.  They will either attack the other person, start attacking themselves, stonewall, or even just try to escape the conversation.  Shame can be hard to address because people usually don’t vocalize “I feel shame”, shame is so powerful that people don’t want to admit to the experience of it.  So some questions for you to determine if shame is at play: are they avoiding making eye contact?  did you just criticize them or give them critical feedback?  did you just catch them making a mistake?  If the answer is yes to any of these three and the other person is disengaging, the reason is probably shame.

The best way to address shame is to remind the person that you care about them.  Spend time trying to rebuild connection with this person.  What do you admire about them?  Can you see something positive in what they were trying to do?  Have you ever made a similar mistake?  Share your answers to these questions with them, and try to rebuild your connection, to show them you care and are on their team.

The second reason we disengage is that we view the other person as a hypocrite.  We don’t see the other person as living in integrity with their values.  Basically, we see them as being dishonest, and as long as you perceive someone as dishonest you are very unlikely to be open, honest, and compassionate with them.

Obviously the first precaution against this reason for disengagement is to be honest.  To live in integrity with your values.  Don’t say one thing and then do another.  And of course sometimes we can do that, and someone else can still perceive us as being a hypocrite or dishonest, so what then?

Try to talk about it.  Try to ask them “I’m concerned that you think I’m not being fully honest, is that true?” or even simply “why are you mad at me?”  When people perceive you as being dishonest they are usually more than happy to point it out if you give them the chance.  When they do point it out, don’t take it personally!  When someone points out some way they see me not living in integrity or not being honest, I usually am tempted to go into shame and feel criticized.  The result of that is then I disengage and the cycle of disengagement continues.  So you have to work hard to stay engaged, and see them pointing out some sort of hypocrisy as the moment to try and regain connection by clearing it up.

Finally, the third reason we disengage can be simply biological.  Are you hungry?  Thirsty?  Tired?  Stressed?  It can take some energy to stay engaged especially in difficult conversations.  So it is important to stay mindful to how our bodies are doing.  If your physical energy is drained, your emotional energy will go soon.

The best way to deal with this is to be willing to take breaks when talking about tough topics.  Don’t feel like you have to “power through”.  Take breaks to have a snack, take a nap, or just relax.  Don’t use this as an excuse to sweep the issue under the rug.  But do take care of your body; it truly is the foundation to everything else. is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Scarcity & Contentment – by Kind Communication

KindCommunication.orgRe-posted From:

Scarcity is the belief or mindset of “never enough”.  You know you’re being affected by the mindset of scarcity anytime you think “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not perfect enough” or “I’m never loved enough” or “I’m not successful enough” or “I’m not thin enough” or “I’m not smart enough”, etc.  And this mindset of “never enough” births fear, shame, jealousy, greed, prejudice, comparison, and arguments with what is.

For me, the solution to the mindset of scarcity is the mindset of contentment.  Being content is knowing that “it is enough” and that “I am enough”.  If you can be centered in knowing that you are enough, and what you have is enough, then you aren’t tricked into thinking you need more, you aren’t tricked into comparing yourself with others, you aren’t tricked into being scared, greedy, or jealous, and you aren’t tricked into picking a fight with what is.

And I’d like to be clear about something.  Both scarcity and contentment are mindsets; they are ways that we see ourselves and the world.  And they are also practices.  They are formed, reinforced, and made permanent by daily practices we engage in.  This is something I help many clients with, forming daily practices that foster contentment and eradicate scarcity.

I had this moment of clarity the other night about how scarcity works in me.  I was biking home from seeing some friends.  And I saw up ahead one of my guilty pleasures…taco bell.  In that moment I could tell that I didn’t need any food.  And I knew I had food in my fridge at home.  But it was a Saturday night, and I wanted that pleasure of eating a quesadilla.

As I’m biking I hear this thought “come on Alex, tonight won’t be complete without a taco bell run.  You’ll really feel so much happier and content if you get a quesadilla.”  And I relented; I turned in and got the quesadilla.  And then just 10 minutes later when I was home and eating it I heard another thought “oh gosh Alex, did you really get taco bell?  You don’t have enough self-control.”

And then it dawned on me, scarcity was behind both of those thoughts.  When I got the quesadilla, it was my greed to keep wanting more fun and pleasure because somehow I hadn’t had “enough” yet.  I wasn’t practicing contentment.

When I got home and felt shame, I was telling myself that I wasn’t enough.  Since I don’t have the “right” amount of self-control I am not “good enough”.  Again, I wasn’t practicing being content with who I was in that moment.  And so it was scarcity that both pushed me into stopping at Taco Bell, and it was scarcity that was beating me up for it.

If I had taken a moment to acknowledge “I had a fun evening, it was enough” or even “I have food at home that is enough” I wouldn’t have gotten that quesadilla.  And later when I noticed that I was telling myself I was “not good enough”, I did center myself in contentment.  I stopped and said out loud “I am enough just as I am.”  And after that I was able to enjoy my Taco Bell shame free.

And while you may be thinking this is a silly example, I have seen scarcity ruin relationships.  I’ve seen partners, friends, parents, and kids be wrecked with shame, fear, greed, and pain all because they don’t think they are enough, or what they have is enough.  And in their pain they disconnect from the other person, either by lashing out or withdrawing.  And if this issue of scarcity isn’t address slowly that disconnection becomes permanent.

I have also seen contentment save relationships.  That once a person recognizes that they are enough, or that what they have is enough, they let go of anger, fear, resentment, jealousy, greed, and arguing with what is.  A new peacefulness comes over them.  They are calm and centered for the first time.  And if contentment is practiced daily that new peacefulness becomes permanent.

So which do you practice?  Scarcity or Contentment? is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.

Never Forget, It Wasn’t… (Facebook Cover Image)

Never Forget, It Wasn’t Iraq, or Afghanistan, or Pakistan, or Libya, or Syria, or Iran,…

#WhenInOceania, do as the Oceanians do.
“You know, we don’t do body counts,” Gen. Tommy R. Franks

~3,000 Initial Victims
~1,400 First Responders
~6,700 U.S. Troops
~3,000 Contractors
~90,000 Veteran Suicides since ’03
~U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights
~?,!00,000 Middle Easterners

Because it is
not a war ON terror,
but a war OF terror.

I had surprising trouble finding that number since the government seems to only release veteran suicides as a daily average. I estimated this number based off of this report, I used those listed averages (19-22/day) for 2003-2010, kept 22/day for 2011-2014, and found this big cumulative total. It’s remarkable how much better “22 suicides a day” can sound than “8,030 suicides a year”.

Veteran Suicides Table